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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23903896">Smile, Even Though You’re Sad</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_link_dock/pseuds/the_link_dock'>the_link_dock</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The War at Home</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adoption, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Coping Skills, Being Disowned, CPS, Canon Gay Character, Child Protective Services, Dark Thoughts, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Foster Care, Foster homes, Gay Male Character, Homophobia, Hurt Kenny, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kenny discovering who he is, Kenny gets taken by CPS, Kenny goes through a lot okay, Larry has anxiety, M/M, Negative Thoughts, New York, Protective Dave, Protective Gold Family, Protective Vicky, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Universe Alterations, as in kenny not the story, homophobic parents, idk anything about new york sorry, negative thinking, protective larry, sad kenny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:08:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,896</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23903896</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_link_dock/pseuds/the_link_dock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if when CPS came to take Kenny away, his father hadn’t shown up?</p>
<p>Kenny is taken to a foster home and has to deal with being abandoned time and time again and has to go through it alone. Not if the Gold’s have anything to say about it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kenny Al-Bahir &amp; Vicky Gold, Kenny Al-Bahir/Dylan, Kenny Al-Bahir/Larry Gold, Khaleel Nazeeh “Kenny” Al-Bahir &amp; Dave Gold</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Smile, Even Though You’re Sad</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>ummmm i just found this show and this idea just came to me</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If you asked anyone, they’d agree that Kenny Al-Bahir was a happy kid. </p>
<p>It was rare to see him not smiling, even when something bad had just happened. </p>
<p>When he told Mr. and Mrs. Gold that his did kicked him out, it had been with a smile as if nothing was wrong at all.</p>
<p>In Kenny’s mind, it was easier to smile, because that meant there was hope for things to get better. </p>
<p>But now, sitting in the back of a black car for child protective services, he could only find himself staring blankly at the floor mats. </p>
<p>He didn’t feel hopeful or happy. He feel alone and like he wasn’t sure if he should be calm, sad, angry, or scared.</p>
<p>He thought he’d be going to an orphanage, but the CPS lady told him he was going to a foster home, as if that was somehow better. </p>
<p>He still thanked her politely. It wasn’t her fault she had to take him away and he couldn’t blame her for doing her job no matter how upset he was. </p>
<p>Kenny shifted his eyes to stare out the window and let his head rest on the glass. </p>
<p>It was cool for a few seconds before the combination of the heat from the sun and his skin warmed it up.</p>
<p>His eyes fluttered as a wave of sadness rolled over him but he held it back with a small, somewhat bitter, smile. </p>
<p>/No time for tears. Not now. </p>
<p>As he watched the houses fade into businesses he let out a breath as the situation sank in. </p>
<p>/I got disowned. </p>
<p>The realisation started to set in and Kenny tried to block it out. He tried to ignore the weight pushing against his skull.</p>
<p>He tried not to think about how terrified he was of meeting the people at the foster home. </p>
<p>He tried not to think about school and if he’d be able to stay at his own. </p>
<p>He tried not to think about Larry and if he would see him again. </p>
<p>The headache made itself known and Kenny swallowed the lump in his throat. </p>
<p>/Not now/, he reminded himself. </p>
<p>He sat up and looked in the rear-view mirror and saw the CPS lady’s dark eyes watching the road. </p>
<p>“‘Scuse me, how much longer until we get there?”</p>
<p>He saw her eyes flicker to him and he offered a smile. </p>
<p>Smiling was always easier. Easier than dealing with what he was really feeling. </p>
<p>He felt hopeless, like he’d lost a battle he didn’t know he was fighting.</p>
<p>She looked back at the road, “About an hour.”</p>
<p>His eyes drifted downwards, “Thank you.”</p>
<p>His voice was quite and he leaned his head back on the window and closed his eyes. </p>
<p>He cleared his mind of everything and focused on the wind rushing by the car and the minor bumps of the street. </p>
<p>If he thought about his parents or Larry our Mr. and Mrs. Gold he would start to cry. </p>
<p>He couldn’t let anyone see him cry. He was a happy person and happy people didn’t cry. </p>
<p>Especially if they weren’t really happy at all.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Before he realised it, they were pulling up to the foster home and evening was already setting in. </p>
<p>The sky was beginning to turn a pale blue and there was a faint shade of pink making itself known. </p>
<p>The foster home was a row house. It had red brick on the outside and a concrete stoop with black metal rails leading to a matching black wooden door.</p>
<p>There was a golden metal number on the door and a small porch in front of it that was lit up by a pale orange-yellow glow coming from a light mounted directly over the door.</p>
<p>It admittedly looked really nice on the outside, Kenny noted as he got out of the car. </p>
<p>He declined the CPS woman’s offer to help with his luggage and sling one duffel bag over his shoulder and carried the other in his hand.</p>
<p><em>I should really learn her name</em>. </p>
<p>But he couldn’t muster up the energy or desire to actually speak so he followed her up the stoop with his eyes on the ground. </p>
<p>A white woman answered the door with a wide grin and bright eyes. </p>
<p>“Hello, I’m Frannie Cooper, but you’re can call me Fran or Frannie. You must be Khaleel!”</p>
<p>Mrs. Cooper’s voice was somewhat deep and with an accent not unlike Mr. Gold’s. She was taller than Kenny, though that wasn’t saying much, and she was wider too. Also not saying much.</p>
<p>He gave a small smile and shook her hand, “I go by Kenny. You have a lovely home.”</p>
<p>His eyes swept around the entry way, and it was a true statement. The floors were clean and the walls were a tasteful olive green. </p>
<p>There was a dark wood end table decorated with a vase of flowers and there was a framed mirror on the wall above it.</p>
<p>Kenny avoided looking at it.</p>
<p>“Okay, Kenny, we’re about to have dinner so why don’t I show you to your room and you can get settled in, yeah?”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Mrs. Cooper, that sounds lovely.”</p>
<p>“Call me Fran or Frannie,” Mrs. Copper said with a smile. </p>
<p>The CPS woman waited in the entry way while Mrs. Cooper took Kenny upstairs. </p>
<p>“You’ll be sharing a room with Nick, he’s about your age.”</p>
<p>She took him to a room with a paper sign neatly labelled “Nick’s Room”. </p>
<p>“We’ll add your name sometime this week.”</p>
<p>He nodded and smiled gracefully even though he wished they wouldn’t. </p>
<p>Adding his name implied permanence. Kenny didn’t want to stay here. </p>
<p>She opened the door for him and it revealed a room smaller than Larry’s with dark blue walls. The colour made the room feel cracked and cold but he smiled anyways. </p>
<p>“Thank you so much for taking me in.”</p>
<p>“Of course! Mike—my husband—and I would like to have a chat after dinner about your prior arrangements, if you’re okay with that.”</p>
<p><em>Not really</em>. “Of course.”</p>
<p>Kenny gave her a closed mouth grin as she left, shutting the door behind her, and the empty smile stayed on his face even while he was alone. </p>
<p>All he wanted was to go to the stupid dance with Dylan. Now, he didn’t even know if he’d <em>see</em> Dylan ever again. </p>
<p>He bit the inside of his cheeks and his eyes felt like they’d pop out of his skull from the amount of pressure in his head. It felt like he could explode any second. He let his bags thump on the ground and he looked at the beds against the wall. </p>
<p>There were two bunk beds with desks underneath them to save space. Kenny could appreciate the efficiency, but since he wasn’t sure which one was his he sat on the floor against the wall. </p>
<p>There was a closer and a dresser and Kenny wasn’t sure which one he was supposed to use. </p>
<p>He didn’t want to unpack either. </p>
<p>He didn’t want to believe that he would be staying here. </p>
<p>He gave a weak laugh that was no more than a huff of air and full of bitterness. What did he expect to happen? That his dad would suddenly accept him? That Mr. and Mrs. Gold would adopt him?</p>
<p>It was too much of Kenny to ask them. Even if for a split second it looked like Mr. Gold was going to say it. </p>
<p>In the end, he just gave a weighted sigh and a heavy part to Kenny’s shoulder, telling him they’d see each other around. </p>
<p>Kenny let out a harsh breath and sucked one in to try and breathe. <em>I’m over an hour away. I’m never going to see any of them again. I’m going to be alone</em>. </p>
<p>The thought his like a freight train and added a thousand pounds to his chest. </p>
<p>Kenny wanted to blame Mr. Gold for saying he was gay. Kenny wanted to blame Mr. Gold for telling him to tell his dad. Kenny wanted to blame his dad for kicking him out. </p>
<p>He couldn’t do that though. </p>
<p>It was Kenny’s own fault. It was Kenny’s stupid crush of Larry and Kenny’s stupid little habits and Kenny’s stupid little behaviours that tipped off Mr. Gold. </p>
<p>It was Kenny’s stupid little mouth that blurted that he was gay and it was Kenny’s stupid little mouth that told his dad. </p>
<p>It was no one’s fault but Kenny’s. </p>
<p>He took deep breaths to calm down and pushed himself up to stand. </p>
<p>He felt tiredness deep into his bones and his heart and in that moment he wanted to sleep and never wake up. </p>
<p>He moved his backs to what he hoped was an unused corner and waiting in the middle of the room for someone to get him. </p>
<p>Mrs. Cooper knocked on the door but didn’t wait for an answer before she opened it. </p>
<p>“How ya doin,’ Kenny?” She asked, peeking a head in. </p>
<p>Kenny gave a smile even though he didn’t feel happy and looked around the room, “Great, thank you. I wasn’t sure which bed was mine...”</p>
<p>Kenny trailed off in hopes that she would tell him. </p>
<p>She laughed, “Sorry, I shoulda thought a that! Nick’s is on the left, so that one with the plaid bedding is yours.”</p>
<p>The left side had stripes. </p>
<p>He nodded but didn’t say anything. </p>
<p>“You ready for dinner?”</p>
<p>Kenny winced but his it with a somewhat self-deprecating smile. “I’m not really... hungry. Could I stay up here, please? I can still have the talk with you and Mr. Copper,” he rushed to finish. </p>
<p>She waved him off, “Don’t worry about that. It’s been a big day, you can go to bed if you want. Nick’s staying the night at a friend’s house so you’ll have the room to yourself tonight. We can talk in the morning.”</p>
<p>He nodded gratefully and she showed him where the upstairs bathroom was before she left him alone. </p>
<p>He <em>was</em> thankful she remembered that. He wouldn’t have thought about it until he was about to bust and when everyone else was asleep. </p>
<p>He grabbed his tooth brush and one of his t-shirts and went into the bathroom. </p>
<p>He didn’t feel safe in his new room. </p>
<p>He brushed his teeth then changed his shirt. Then after a brief consideration, he relieved himself so he wouldn’t have to get out of his room again. </p>
<p>When he was back in his room, with the fire shut and the window curtains closed he took off his jeans and folded his clothes from the day. </p>
<p>His movements were mechanical and he found his mind wandering. </p>
<p>Mrs. Cooper was nice and friendly. </p>
<p>
  <em>Would she still be this kind if she knew I was gay?</em>
</p>
<p>Kenny climbed the latter to his new bed and felt the exhaustion kick back in. </p>
<p>It wasn’t quiet in his room; the head of his bed was near the windows so he could hear the noises from outside. </p>
<p>Cars driving and honking; motorcycles; a plane every once in a while, maybe a helicopter; an ambulance. </p>
<p>It was still quieter than the basement, and yet Kenny found himself missing the loud and somewhat disturbing water heater. </p>
<p>He let out a shaky breath from his mouth and pressed his face into his pillow. </p>
<p>He closed his eyes and after a while he was able to fall asleep. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>like literally did not know about this show twelve hours ago, so if something sounds wrecking it probably is, feel free to let me know</p>
<p>writing this gave me such a headache because i project what i feel onto my characters and writing kenny gives me negative emotions but when he gets better i’ll feel that too so i just gotta push through</p></blockquote></div></div>
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